Random Memory #3

You were working the day shift at cousins one day soon after we began dating.  I remember being nervous about going to visit you because I’m like that and as soon as you saw me the nerves went away because you genuinely seemed so happy I was there.  I just remember watching you serve customers and almost being in awe.  I admired you from a distance for so long and couldn’t actually believe I was there.  It seems so long ago and not at the same time, Emmy.  



You’ve been gone a month now and I don’t think its gotten much easier yet.  I just want to give you a hug so badly.  I’m not even sad about things or feeling sorry for myself, I just really miss everything about you that I can’t get over a text message.   I think it’s just the nights here are so strange in that you’re just not available.  I find myself grabbing at my phone to text you, but remembering you’re probably chilling with the sandman.  I lived by myself for a long time and never felt one bit lonely even on nights where I wouldn’t go out.  The nights here in our apartment drive me crazy in some ways as I’m missing something.  Which I am of course.

Random fun memory #2

“I want to be your girlfriend”


Last Tuesday

Last tuesday/weekday shift ever at Papa George’s, baby.  It’s probably a good thing for me to move on from that job, but I can’t help to feel sad about it closing.   It’s mostly just a sad place there now anyway.  It would be worse to be on your thirty second year as a dishwasher and have to move on to something else; or even worse would be being the owner, who I know feels like he failed.   So, I should look forward in a way towards new things, but it always seems better to leave a job – or anything else – on your own terms.  Life will go on and I’ll find another job. Just something about that place makes me terribly sad that its closing.  I’m often charmed by old things and I think that’s part of it.  The nostalgia of working there when I was younger is part of it and definitely the no computers, the nothing changed in thirty years decor and most of the people who work there are all part of it too.  Just feels like so much is changing now in my life and I know that’s part of why I don’t want to let go.  

On the flip side, no job as caused me to think so much about my own mortality.  Not in a good way.  Whether its the loneliness I feel sometimes driving through empty streets or something else, I can’t help to think a lot of times about how in any second I could just be gone.  I don’t even worry about it but think about it lots.  That’s probably the only thing I don’t like about the job.  It’s never a bad thing to I think normally, to sit back and dwell on your life and eventual death, but the feelings and thoughts the job promotes are more about how at any moment some stupid drunk driver could run a red light than they are about my own death.  It probably seems like I think about this more than I really do while driving so I don’t tell you any of this to worry you.  Besides, I know you always worry about me driving anyway.  Which I don’t really blame you for either.  Two more shifts, Emmy.  


Random fun memory #1

That moment when we both heard the sea otters but couldn’t see them.Image

Monday Night

I feel badly thinking about what you said earlier about your guilt.  This is harder than we both probably seemed to think it was going to be – and I thought it was going to be very hard.  I think sometimes about how hard this would be if we didn’t have such a strong connection and relationship.  It just wouldn’t work.  I try not to dwell too much about why  we’re apart and try and concentrate on memories of us together and on our future.  Skype is both a helpful and a pain.  I like to be able to see your face; but hate not being able to touch it.  I think that’s why sometimes I feel so sad during or after talking to you.  I miss your touch, smell and body.  None of which Skype gives.  I should have made a bottle of eau du Emilie before you left.  I just love you lots Emmy


NPR Snap Judgment – http://www.npr.org/rss/podcast.php?id=510294

Don’t know why I never listened to this one before, but it’s great.  Interesting and they play good rap beats throughout in the background.